Daddy: Year 1

Tonight my baby girl went to bed clutching a Lego, a doll, and a bottle of milk. Not too different from every other night except that when she wakes up tomorrow, she’ll be one year old.

It was one year ago where I nervously laid on a cot in our delivery room, tweeting updates and reading encouraging text messages from friends and family. From that moment on, it was a series of milestones: First bath, first car ride home, first solid poop, first swim, first time eating solids, first tooth, and first word.

As my wife feverishly bakes cupcakes for my daughter’s first birthday and I load tables, tents and chairs into our car, I think about the way I’ve also changed in the past year. Not milestones per se, but rather unforeseen developments in taste and physicality.

Before Baby:
t-shirt size – medium
favorite band – Mighty Mighty Bosstones
favorite tv show – Family Guy
bedtime – 3am
nightcap – Jack & Coke

After Baby:
t-shirt size – large
favorite band – Imagination Movers
favorite tv show – Yo Gabba Gabba
bedtime – 11:58pm
nightcap – orange juice

Basically, you start liking what your kids like. Your baby can’t run around at the park yet so you just stay home and change diapers. You feel like the world’s largest a-hole if you feed your baby breakfast with a raging hangover.

I welcome these changes and the many blessing that having a little one brings. However, I look forward to doing more physical activities with her in the future. I can’t afford to go up another t-shirt size.

Two Homeless Monkeys

Most people will associate this upcoming Monday with Valentines Day. However, in the world of Disney, this year’s day of love marks another adventure in programming. February 14, 2011 marks the launch of Disney Junior. The children’s television program block will replace the current running Playhouse Disney.

Viewers have been informed that the following programs will be carried over to Disney Junior:

• Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (of course)
• Handy Manny
• Little Einsteins
• Jungle Junction
• Chuggington
• Imagination Movers
• Special Agent Oso

 

They will be joining new Disney Junior programs:

• Jake and the Never Land Pirates
• Doc McStuffins
• Little Princesses
• Babar and the Adventures of Badou

 

Although this transition may seem exciting for some, two names have yet to be mentioned. Two monkeys named Ooh & Aah have been hosting playhouse Disney since January 1, 2007, replacing previous host Clay (a yellow clay ball).

I haven’t seen this type of chemistry between two puppets since the glory days of Bert & Ernie. Whatever happens from this programming transition, much thanks and well wishes go out to Ooh & Aah. There is no better way to end this blog post than with their signature bye-bye song, “We Had a Great Day.”

Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

Bye-bye!

Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

That was so much fun!

We’re Happy Monkeys ‘cuz We Had a Great Day

at Playhouse Disney, Now it’s Time to Say…

See you tomorrow!

Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

That was fun!

Ooh Ooh Aah Aah, Bye-bye

The Next Level of Balloon Animals

I took my daughter to her friend’s birthday party this weekend.  The children were congregated around this clown-esque lady.  I’m not sure about the criteria that would define her as a clown.  She had a clown wig and a tiny hat.  That was clown enough for me.  Anyway, a friend of mine tried to ask the “clown” if she would make a balloon animal for his daughter.  She said “I’m sorry, I’m supposed to start face painting right now.  I might be able to squeeze one in if you can tell me exactly what she wants.”  I thought to myself, geez you’re making balloon animals and painting faces, stop taking your job so seriously.

At the end of the party, a balloon masterpiece was given to my daughter that showed this clown chick took her job VERY… VERY seriously.

It was a nightmare to get in and out of the car but damn, it was worth it.  It was a palm tree, weighed down with a water balloon disguised as one of those green coconuts at the bottom.  Plus the tree had wildlife!

 

Balloon Parrot

Balloon Monkey

I’ll be sure to think twice before I judge someone of the “clown arts.”

 

Hottest Christmas Toys of My Youth

Image via Wikipedia

FX began re-airing A Very Sunny Christmas, from season 5 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  The 2009 holiday special features the Omnibot MK II.  I remembered these plastic-domed bots were a hit Christmas toy in the mid-80s.  However in my youth, gifts like the Omnibot or even Atari were viewed as “rich kid toys.”  Needless to say my Christmas toy memories were now jogged and I reminisced about the hottest Christmas toys of my childhood.  Maybe I’m just a jaded old man, but I think toys were a lot more fun and imaginative in the 80s and 90s compared to the video game-only market for modern Christmas gifts.

Here are three Christmas gifts that rocked my world, the way a Playstation 3 never could.

TMNT - Casey Jones, 1989

After America got their hands on the first four “Heroes in a Half Shell,” other characters from the world of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were released.  I can’t pinpoint the sole factor that made me carry this action figure wherever I went.  Honestly I think it was the combo of having a hockey mask, blue streaks in his hair, and using sports accessories as weapons.  I didn’t like my action figures using guns.  I was very pro-ninja and guns ruined my zen.

Super Soaker 100, 1990

In the 80′s, all the badass water guns were battery powered.  In 1990, Larami introduced a hand-pumped water gun that delivered a a blow harder than any of its battery powered predecessors.  The Super Soaker 50 models were everywhere that year.  Towards the holiday season, these new 100 models were introduced.  I really wanted one but didnt tell a soul.  Luckily Santa read my mind.

G.I. Joe - Sonic Fighters, 1991

At this point, I’ve been playing with G.I. Joe’s for almost 10 years.  The line of Sonic Fighters was the first of many innovations from the popular series of action figures.  With these new backpacks offering 4 battle sounds, I was temporarily hooked back into the G.I. Joe fever.

Who knows what will be the Christmas toy sensation for my daughter in a few years.  At the rate things are going, it’ll probably be a fantasy chip that plugs into the back of your skull.  You’ll be then able to live out your childhood fantasy and be tricked to think you’re in Disneyland or something.  Sounds like a $80 retail item to me.

Baby Accessory or Crack Pipe?

By the stack of nipples behind it, I’m guessing it’s a baby accessory of some sort.  Also because my wife doesn’t smoke crack.

My baby girl is almost 8 months old now and I am surprised daily by both, my little crawler and my wife.  Having horrible reading comprehension, my wife has secured the role of the baby bookworm in this parenting team while I take my rightful place as the defender.  Basically, my duties entail swatting evil away from my family unit in every direction.

As new alien tools such as this pop up in the kitchen, I am trained to go along with it and just clean it if it’s dirty.  Thus far, majority of the implements have been sheathed in milk, peas and carrots.  No crack… so far.

Dinner for Schmucks Movie Review

Last night I went to an advanced screening of Dinner for Schmucks, a comedy starring Steve Carell, Paul Rudd and Zach Galifianakis.

In Theaters July 30

Flight of the Conchords fans will be pleased to see some familiar faces.  Jemaine Clement plays an eccentric artist driven by his primal sexual instinct.  Kristen Schaal plays an assistant to Paul Rudd’s character.

The onscreen relationship between Rudd and Carell is similar to that of Rudd and Jason Segel in I Love You, Man.  Don’t let that discourage you though.  Rudd has found his niche playing a great straight man in comedy and there’s nothing wrong with that.  As far as laughter level this film rivals another Rudd film, Role Models.  Comparing the two films, audiences may like the story in Role Models more but Dinner for Schmucks edges out the competition with its winning dialogue.  I’m going to have to watch this again because there were several lines that I missed due to the deafening laughter bouncing from the theater’s walls.

Lola Pacheco at the Dole Cannery 18-Plex

This screening was special for me because it was my daughter’s first movie.  I was amazed at how well behaved a 4 month old can be in a theater.  There were times I almost forgot she was there.  She was staring at the screen right along with me.  Therefore, I feel it would be appropriate for her to finish up this review with her own “words.”  I had her sit up to my keyboard and do some typing.

So without further adieu, here is the conclusion to the review by my daughter, Lola Pacheco:

ybm    j  h        vß sx bfv  xxzz  b                            whbhbb          vgfcbf     cxxxxdx

s         v              fvssvb v b    bcv g  c 4rfv

bbbbbbbbbb

ybm    j  h        vß sx bfv  xxzz  b                            whbhbb          vgfcbf     cxxxxdx           s         v              fvssvb v b    bcv g  c 4rfv

bbbbbbbbbb

- Lola Pacheco

Racism in 2010

I’m just curious to hear what everyone’s thoughts are on the items below being racist…

Billy Dee Williams on the inside label of Colt 45

I’m sure some people may argue that Billy Dee Williams on the label of Colt 45 promotes a racial stereotype.  But then again, I feel almost racist for asking if it’s racist.

Billy Dee Williams on the outside label of Colt 45

Another item that disturbs me even more is one of my daughter’s favorite Disney cartoons, “Handy Manny.”

Handy Manny

Handy Manny is a blue collar Hispanic handyman that goes around, making repairs with his magical toolbox.  Does it teach our youth that Hispanic people are to do all the blue collar jobs in the world and not to worry because they love it?  Maybe this one hits me a little harder because of my Latin American background.

Me vs Arm Hair

I’m 50% Spanish and 25% Portuguese.  The odds of me being a hairy bastard was in the cards for me from the very beginning.  Having hair on your arms and chest while rocking a heavy 5 o’clock shadow isn’t much of an oddity… unless you live in Hawaii.  Growing up has a hairy dude in Hawaii means you’ll be teased and laughed at by the abundance of the smooth-skinned Asians and Polynesians that dwell on this rock.

In the past few years, I’ve been having my arms waxed about every other month because I have tattoos on my arms and it’s a shame is they’re covered up with hair.  However with the birth of a new child, I have decided to make budget cuts in my vanity and just shave my arms instead.  I didn’t wanna just let the hair grow because I didn’t wanna let loose curly arm hair all over my baby, plus the stubble growth must be really uncomfortable for a baby to rub against.

My current arm stubble.

As you read the last paragraph, you probably already have old wives tales about plucking or shaving hair swirling around in your head.  Rather than addressing each one, I’ll tell you that they’re all false and you can check it out yourself:

Thick Talk

Simply Hair Removal

Which Old Wives Tales, Myths & Hoaxes Are Fact or Fiction

Shaving kinda worked at first but the maintenance of shaving my arms is becoming such a pain.  One thing I learned is that because the hair is thick and there a lot of surface area, the razors dull pretty quickly.  Another thing I learned is that you really gotta be careful when using a new razor because I’ve tried to do a quick arm shave before dinner and ended up cutting my wrists and knuckles.

I’ve decided to commit to the time-consuming practice of plucking using the tweezer from my swiss army knife.  It should slow down growth considerably and may even damage some follicles, preventing future growth.  So far, I’ve done my left wrist.  Considering that took me about 2 hours, it’ll probably take me a month to do both arms.

Wish me luck!

My plucked arm hair on a tissue.

Beer helping milk production? I’m in!

I usually try to address broad, nation-wide topics in my blog so that all of America can partake in the joy that is ferN dawg’s Blog.  However I had such a positive experience at my favorite liquor store, I immediately decided to blog about it and snapped a few pics from my experience.  I apologize for the quality of the pics, my hands are shaky before I get a beer or cocktail in me.

The Liquor Collection - 1050 Ala Moana Blvd

Yes, The Liquor Collection is in Honolulu but keep in mind future tourists, it’s just a short trolley/cab ride from Waikiki.  I encourage residents and visitors alike to at least check this place out once.  I’m warning you though, it may ruin all other future liquor store experiences.

First view when walking in. Pretty lights.

This isn’t your normal liquor store where you can grab a dusty bag of potato chips and a hand grenade shaped lighter.  Although, they could probably order those for you if you wanted.  This fine place of business is a purveyor of beer, wine, hard alcohol, and cigars.  Just writing that last sentence made me grow 3 extra hairs on my chest.

Wine

The Liquor Collection houses a knowledgeable staff to help you pick your spirit of choice.  If they sell you a bottle of wine that has gone bad, you can bring it right back.

The Hard Stuff

From coconut flavored rum to absinthe, this store covers all the shelves of hard liquor that you could think of and they can order them if they don’t.

Okay, time to reveal the true reason for my visit to the store that day.  As you may or may not know, my wife and I have a baby girl and my wife had read somewhere that drinking beer can help boost milk production when breastfeeding.  It was finally the perfect excuse to go out and buy beer.  Buy going out to buy beer, I was being a caring husband AND responsible father… who would’ve thought?

I explained the purpose of my visit to Art, an uber knowledgeable member of the staff.  He immediately knew what I was talking about and led me to favorite part of the store… the beer section!

BEER!

Ales, lagers, stouts, you name it and the country that makes it and they got it.  You can create your own 6 pack of different brews and you get a discount.  You thought beer was fun to drink when you were slamming a cube of PBR’s?  Well, it still is, but this is fun too!

It was in this section where Art showed me this milk based stout that’s imported from Japan that husbands everywhere are supposedly fetching for their lactating wives.

So far, my wife hasn’t reported more than usual milk production.  But if she keeps drinking ‘em, I’ll keep on buying ‘em.

By the way, we also had DiGiorno’s pizza that night and it was just delicious.  Seriously.

DiGiorno's Pizza... it's what angels eat.

What Do Babies Wanna Hear?

My wife is halfway through her pregnancy with my daughter, Lola. I know, I know… I’m supposed to say “we” are halfway through “our” pregnancy with Lola. The fact is, I’m not the one that was barfing every morning and I’m not the one with swollen feet. I’m not the one rubbing anti-stretch mark cream on my belly. To say “our” or “we” pertaining to being pregnant just feels like I’m taking credit where credit isn’t due. All I did was knock her up and that was the easiest 2.5 minutes of my life.

Seriously though, I enjoy being there for Sarah through “her/our” pregnancy. We’re at this point where Lola’s ears are supposed to be developed and so the great debate begins on playing music for the growing fetus.

Some say that playing classical music can stimulate the baby’s brain growth and will mold them into a future Nobel prize winner and the movements inside are the fetus conducting along to the top 40 hits of Beethoven. Others say that music can be disturbing in the womb and the movements in the womb are the fetus punching and kicking because nobody wants to hear Bon Jovi while your ears are developing. Actually, it’s been 31 years after my ears have developed and I STILL don’t want to hear Bon Jovi. Then of course there’s people that say you can’t force your kid to be the next Mozart. If your wife gives birth to a 12 yr old Chinese cellist, well, then you got lucky and that’s how just nature works.

I pretty much agree with the last opinion. However it’s fun to imagine that my baby will also love rocksteady ska and reggae. When in truth, she probably can’t handle something so complex and wants something with a cheesy chorus that will loop every 8 seconds in the damn song. She probably wants to hear fun, happy songs about riding on a bus and eating apples… only to outgrow it and listen to tween crap. By then, the tween sensation will probably be whatever offspring Miley Cyrus and her dad have together. Yeah I know, that’s inappropriate to say, but you gotta admit, the way they publicize their “bond” is a lil’ creepy. Like, Angelina Jolie’s relationship w/ her brother, before she started banging famous actors and adopting small countries.

I digress, Sarah and I decided to have fun and take this time to play some mellow tunes for my daughter to enjoy. We started off with Chris Murray, one of his earlier solo EP’s. Sure, the subject material may not be appropriate but luckily right now, my daughter’s primary language is amniotic fluid. For those of you with no sense of humor, that means she has no idea what the song is saying. Sarah followed up on another evening with Lo and the Magnetics. It’s one of my top 5 favorite albums of all time. The fact that my wife made that selection without me being in the room tells me that she really knows/loves? me and that she cares that our daughter has fantastic taste in music.

The music we’ve been playing may not be the most complex to help form a brain but think about it. Have you ever listened to Fugue in G minor in a room by yourself? It’s kinda scary and that’s coming from a dude that’s in his 30′s. Imagine how Lola would feel and let me remind you.. she’s in the dark!

Don’t worry sweet Lola. Daddy will be dragging you to PIMPBOT shows, soon enough.