As a temperamental toddler, approaching her “terrible twos,” I was prepared for any reaction to my performance… so I thought. As I looked back at my drummer to count in the first song, our show started like any other. I said greeted the audience over the song’s intro and scanned over the audience. As I held my trombone to my lips, I focused on my daughter front and center. She stared right at me and started shaking her hips. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. Behind my Wayfarer sunglasses, tears began to well.

I’ve never had to sing while trying to hold back tears. I found out what happens is that you end up singing horribly. I mentally scrambled to regain composure. A song later, I missed a verse. Luckily my band is talented to recover and had no idea what was wrong with me. They were probably thinking, “Geez, is he THAT hammered?”

Since that performance 12 hours ago, I’ve been wondering what brought on this emotional breakdown. As far as I can conclude, it was just a ton of emotions surging through me at once and it was more than I could bear. Here were a few of the things running through my mind.

Ultimate Approval: Musicians have their own versions of success that drive them. For some, it’s landing a record deal. For others, it’s just scoring a couple of free drinks and getting laid that night. My views of musical success have changed throughout my career. However, I realized yesterday that having my own flesh and blood approving music that I’ve been working on for over a decade is the only success I care about. With each hip movement, I realized that it was all worth it – the late night practices, the grueling tours, everything. The blood sweat and tears of my career were suddenly validated with a few simple hip movements. Imagine that.

Three Women: I am only the man I am today because of the women in my life. Without the support of my wife, daughter and mother, I have no motivation whatsoever. From the makeshift stage, I was able to see all three of them in one glance. I looked at these three beautiful, strong-willed, women and I realized how lucky I am to have them in my life. Because of them, I am unstoppable.

Pride: I’m not sure what a father is supposed to be like. I’ve never had one. Christians have always told me that it’s okay because I have a heavenly father. I’m sure that’s fun to say but have you ever tried playing a game of catch with your heavenly father? He doesn’t catch the ball when you throw it. I’ve been winging this whole dad thing for two years and I’m guessing I’m at the very least doing better than my dad because… well… I’m here. When I look at my daughter, sometimes I get upset that she doesn’t have any grandfathers that claim her. However I’m proud of myself for showing her a love that was instilled in me from my family. I pour my love onto her daily. I want her to know how special she is and that she is capable of doing anything. Any sign of joy in her heart, whether it be a smile, an excited scream or dance, is a tenfold return. She is learning new things everyday and I’m proud of the smart and adorable little girl that she is turning into.

After the show, I walked my mother back to her car and shared my experience that I just had on stage. She told me she knows exactly what I’m talking about. She says she feels the same thing when she watches me perform.

Circle of life, I suppose.

Happy Martin Luther King Day.

But I digress. All in all, we came out of a really strong fall season. I was really pleased with the selections from my Fall 2011 Top TV Picks blog. Those continuing onto the midseason have my support. I figured I’ll use this blog post to highlight some programs that are either brand spankin’ new to the scene or shows that have not seen any light since last year’s midseason.

Let’s start with IFC‘s exclusive midseason delights.

Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein return for season two of Portlandia with a slew of guest stars. Season Two kicks off this Friday (1/6) with the episode titled “Mixology,” guest starring Adam Samberg of Saturday Night Live. If you can’t wait til Friday to watch some new Portlandia, episode two from this season, “One Moore Episode” is already online here. I’ve already viewed it and I can attest that season two does not disappoint. Jeff Goldblum is a guest on episode two and his creepy delivery is solid gold.

For those of you on GetGlue, checking in during Friday’s season premiere will earn you the Mixology sticker.

Immediately following Portlandia on IFC is season two of The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, starring David Cross. Season one left viewers on a real cliff hanger so I would not suggest a first time viewer diving into this episode ill-equipped. If you need to get caught up or maybe just need a refresher,  IFC offers a Taiwanese animated recap of season one here.

Now onto some series premieres.

After getting your weekly fill of The Simpsons and Family Guy, FOX airs a two-episode premiere of Napoleon Dynamite. The animated series is an adaptation of the popular film and brings back its core cast for voice talent. Honestly, I don’t think audiences would buy signature phrases like “Flippin’ Sweet” if they were not voiced by Jon Heder.

Those checking in on GetGlue during the premiere on Sunday (1/15) will earn stickers and if you watch the trailer now, you can earn the “Napoleon Dynamite Coming Soon” sticker here.

MADtv veterans, Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele return to the realm of sketch comedy with their new aptly named series, Key & Peele. The show will feature both filmed and live stage sketch performances, similarly to (dare I mention) Mr. Show. Comedy Central has been snippets of the duo since November. If you’d like to get a taste of the series prior to its premiere on January 31st, click here.

And for those of us with toddlers…

While Disney Junior nears its first anniversary, a new animated series is added to the tyke-friendly program schedule. The Octonauts is a series based on the children’s books written by Vicki Wong and Michael C. Murphy. On January 9th, viewers will be introduced to the underwater crew, led by Captain Barnacles, as they embark on missions to rescue marine animals. Those familiar with children’s programming might see this as a cross between Special Agent Oso (Disney Jr) and The Wonder Pets (Nick Jr). If you would like to get familiar with the characters before buying plush versions of them, you can see them here.

I hope this guide proves useful as this midseason tides us through sweeps and to what will hopefully be an interesting summer season.

Related articles

• Going Sticker Crazy (fernrocks.wordpress.com)
• A visit to the set of ‘Portlandia’ (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• ABC Announces Midseason Premiere Schedule; No Return Date for COUGAR TOWN, GCB Replaces PAN AM (collider.com)

Alcoholic or non, it’s my favorite holiday treat. However with every divine pleasure, comes forces from the underworld in attempts to vanquish my delight. Last year, my egg nog antagonist was in the form of a Starbucks on Wave Avenue in Honolulu. Their weapon of choice… the egg nog latte. For some reason, their egg nog latte tasted nothing like the ones served at their other shops. It tasted like tea. SO WRONG! I had them make it again… and again… and again! They never got it right. The issue was probably the fact that they stir their drinks with a demon cock.

This year, I mistook a saving grace that ended up being an evil force in my own fridge. It was a bottle of traditional Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog. “Of course this has to be the real stuff.” In retrospect, if it really WERE the the real stuff, it wouldn’t be on sale at a Time Supermarket. The best way I can describe it is if Jaegermeister made their own brand of milk… this would be it. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against a strong cup of egg nog. I just don’t need a pound of licorice in it.

Alas, it’s time for me to come to peace with what I’ve felt in my heart every holiday season. I am the master of my own egg nog… a ferN dawg egg nog, if you will. It may not be anything traditional but damn it, there’s nothing else I’d rather sip while popping in a copy of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Can I get an amen?

In the spirit of giving, I am now about to share with you the first generation Pacheco family recipe of ferN dawg egg nog.

• Get a lowball glass.
• Pour two splashes each of Myers’s Dark Rum and Kahlua.
• Add your favorite non-alcoholic cartoned egg nog.
• Stir

Now quick, get on the couch! The movie is starting!

Related articles

• I’m On An EggNog Hunt (systematicmermaid.wordpress.com)
• Egg Nog Explained (holytaco.com)

On IMDB, the cast list boasts a mile of actors. In order to keep the list short and sweet, my list here will only contain cast members who appeared in 30 or more episodes. In true Cosby tradition, Lisa Bonet will not be appearing on this list. Perhaps by the time I compile a list of twitter accounts for the cast of A Different World, she’ll have a greater online presence.

Bill Cosby - @BillCosby

Phylicia Rashad - @PhyliciaRashad

Malcolm-Jamal Warner - @MalcolmJamalWar

Keshia K Pulliam - @peachespulliam

Tempestt Bledsoe - @TempesttBledsoe

Raven-Symone` - @MissRavenSymone

Deon Richmond - @DeonRichmond

Related articles

• Cosby Show Blackface: Students on Probation (theroot.com)
• WHERE ARE THEY NOW? The Cast Of ‘The Cosby Show’ (businessinsider.com)

What caught my attention was the featured guest on the show, Louis CK. At the end of Conan’s opening monologue I also learned that the episode would end with a televised same-sex marriage. I didn’t think much of it at first, as I often usually don’t make it all the way through an episode of Conan anyway. However the string of NYC shows were tailored with numerous surprise appearances and hilarious bits that kept me glued. Then the time finally came. At the point where Conan usually has a musical guest, he instead stood on stage with David Gorshein, one half of the same-sex wedding that was about to take place.

It was at that point where I realized that I have never seen a same-sex wedding before. That partially kept my interest. I also was curious at how serious Conan would make the 5-minute ceremony. All of that was enough for me to keep watching Conan’s costume designer Scott Cronick walk down the theater isle to join his partner on stage.

The two grooms exchanged vows and I was literally blown away at the love they shared. You could see the emotion bubbling in their eyes. I realized that what I was witnessing was an absolute love. A love without labels. It wasn’t 2 men in love… it was just two human beings.

It was at this point that I felt shame. I grew up in a church that spoke ill of homosexuals on a weekly basis. Sure I had gay friends growing up but I was always forced to give the generic “I respect what they believe in but I can’t agree with it” spiel. I’m so ashamed of what I “thought” I believed.

I stopped going to church about 4 years ago and since then, my world has opened up a lot. I still feel I have a personal relationship with God but my experiences with churches in the last 12 years have just really put a bad taste in my mouth. I know Christians will say that in order to believe in GOD, I have to go to church but screw it. This is my path and if a church believes that people like Scott and David should be denied of their love for each other, then I have no desire to be apart of their congregation.

I don’t want to get preachy in my own right. I’m not saying everyone should think this or that. I’m just expressing how I was moved by viewing this same-sex wedding and I hope to attend one in person one day.

Mazel tov to Scott Cronick & David Gorshein!

http://i.cdn.turner.com/v5cache/TBS/cvp/teamcoco_drupal_embed.swf?context=teamcoco_embed_offsite&videoId=19707

Related articles

• Conan Officiates Same Sex Wedding! (justjared.buzznet.com)
• Conan O’Brien Officiates A Same-Sex Wedding On Live TV (mediaite.com)
• Conan O’ Brien to Officiate First Ever Late Night TV Same-Sex Wedding (laughingsquid.com)
• Conan O’Brien to Officiate Televised Same-Sex Wedding (laist.com)
• Conan O’Brien Officiates a Gay Wedding (Video) (dailypicksandflicks.com)

Not since those days of my youth have I been this excited again about stickers, thanks to an online company called GetGlue. Not so much because they have my favorite superheroes on them, although some of them still do. Rather, my spirits are lifted from the fact that the stickers now sport my favorite items in media and of course… because they’re FREE.

The New York based social network rewards users for checking in and sharing what they are listening to, watching, reading, or just thinking about. Once users accumulate 20 reward stickers, GetGlue will mail them to you, free of charge. Users can brag out their stickers by linking their account to their twitter, facebook and tumblr. Although doing so is not mandatory. As a user myself, sometimes I just enjoy informing my friends on other social networks that I’m watching a Planet of the Apes marathon. Sometimes it ends up sparking a whole new conversation. Mostly about apes taking over the world.

But I digress, what most unfamiliar readers are now asking is “how do I earn my stickers?” Well, there are two types of stickers that are commonly available. There are “Fan stickers” and “Limited Time” stickers. There are other stickers that are offered (like a sticker of a generic vinyl record for “liking” a number of bands or whatever) but what I’m talking about are the COOL stickers. The ones that actually have images of the stuff you like.

Fan stickers are earned by checking-in to an item multiple times. 5 check-ins earn you a Fan sticker. 15 check-ins earn you a Super Fan stickers. Are these stickers available on all items and topics on GetGlue? No. In order to find out if stickers are offered for a topic, I would suggest clicking on the topic and if stickers are offered, it’ll say so in the top right corner. Below is an example of the page for the band, Queen and their stickers that are offered.

Limited Time stickers are offered to coincide with special events, such as a season premiere of a television series. In this case, the sticker is only earned if you check-in during the duration of the episode airing. As a tip to my fellow Hawaii residents, I’d suggest to check-in early, sometime between Eastern Standard Time (EST) and Pacific Standard Time (PST). I’ve been burnt in the past for checking in to a premiere during Hawaii Standard Time (HST). Other special events that warrant these types of stickers are opening weekend for films, conventions (Comic Con) and dvd/album releases.

GetGlue works with large ventures, investment companies and other investors to fund these stickers so it would make sense that stickers are only offered for nationally trending topics. For instance, my band PIMPBOT is on GetGlue and you can certainly check-in to us but there are no stickers to be gained. Except for a generic “Fan” and “Super Fan” sticker, which has a baseball cap or shield or whatever on it; non-specific to the topic at hand.

In tough economic times as these, it’s always fun to get something for free. If you have the slightest interest in pop culture, the odds are you are eligible from some free stickers. Happy checking-in!

Related articles

• GetGlue and the Importance of Social Media Listening (polleydan.wordpress.com)

As I passed one of the cashier stands, the fate of my evening found me at eye level. It was a pouch of alcohol. I’ll say it again… a pouch of alcohol. A company by the name of Daily’s now provides you with pouched cocktails in multiple flavors. They are designed to be frozen, however if there was the need for immediate fun, a desperate partier could just drink out of the bag. Like an “adult” Capri Sun.

These on the go beverages are still new to the market and so they are probably still pretty easy to consume in public. The real selling point for these puppies is the price. These 10 ounce pouches go for just $1.97.

Cheers!

Wizard Duke

It seems that drinking games are once again surrounding me, 10 years since stepping foot on a college campus. Lately I’ve been re-acquainting myself with the holiest of drinking games, as the host of KPOI’s Beer Pong at The Varsity. As I finally nailed down the minutia of the sport, ANOTHER game was introduced to me. On a fateful night where 60 cans of Coors Light needed to be consumed, some friends of mine began tossing a roll of tape around the room for a game of “Wizard Staff.”

According to partyschooled.com, the rules of “Wizard Staff” are as follows:

The object of the game is simple, build the biggest wizard staff that you can build in order to claim your spot as the most powerful wizard

To play you need to follow these simple rules:

Everyone starts by grabbing a can of beer. You are all now level 1 wizards. When you finish your can of beer you grab a new can of beer and duct tape it to the top of the empty can of beer. You are now a level 2 wizard. Once you finish your 2^nd can you can grab a third can and duct tape that on top of the two empty ones, you are now a level 3 wizard. This is the way you grow your wizard staff, by finishing beers and duct taping them to your empty cans

Now drinking beers and duct taping them to the empties is not the only aspect to this game. Decide before hand whether you want to face a boss every 3 or every 5 beers.Say you pick 3 beers; this means that every three beers you must have a boss battle to move onto the next level. In this game boss battles require you to take a shot of liquor. So after your third beer you must defeat the first boss, in this case “Boss Daniels” for a shot of Jack Daniels. Once you have taken a shot of Jack you can grab your fourth beer and move onto level 4 wizardry. Your next boss battle would come after you finish your 6^th beer, then 9^th, then 12^th, etc, etc…

Wizard Staff is a marriage of the love of drinking with the fantasy of being an all-powerful wizard. Who says nerds can’t be alcoholics? They drank in Revenge of the Nerds, right?

As you may have remembered last fall, I posted Fall 2010 Top TV Picks. It was a post for myself, more than anything; an attempt at organizing my fall faves with their corresponding premiere dates. My situation for this fall is no different. As my DVR box hungrily awaits new assignments, like a nerd on his first day of school, I present to you my guide to television programming for the fall 2011 season:

Brand New Series

2 Broke Girls (CBS) - premieres September 19th

Up All Night (NBC) - premieres September 14th

The X Factor (FOX) - premieres September 21st

Terra Nova (FOX) - premieres September 26th

The Playboy Club (NBC) - premieres September 19

Major Network

Community (NBC) - premieres September 22

Parks and Recreation (NBC) - premieres September 22nd

The Sing-Off (NBC) - premieres September 19th

Cable

Boardwalk Empire (HBO) - premieres September 25th

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX) - premieres September 15

Bored to Death (HBO) - premieres October 10th

Workaholics (Comedy Central) - premieres September 20th

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time (Comedy Central) - premieres October 5th

The League (FX) - premieres October 6th

Bonus!

Web Series

Mythomania (currently mid-season)

http://www.youtube.com/mythomaniashow

Related articles

• Fall TV Premiers (q104.radio.com)
• 2011 Fall TV Season Network by Network Previews (fortheloveoftv.wordpress.com)

I promised myself that once my goal had been reached, I can purchase ten t-shirts in my new size (medium) from 6dollarshirts.com. Just as the URL indicates, the website sells graphic tees for six dollars. However the website has an incentive of its own. If you order ten shirts, it’s only fifty bucks (shipping not included). As you can imagine, these comical, pop-cultured garments aren’t of the best quality. My last order was about a year ago and those shirts now look about 12 years old. But hey, that “distressed” look is in anyway, right?

Since my days in high school, I have always been a firm believer that a humorous t-shirt graphic can change the mood of a room and if anything, stirs up interesting conversation. It was with this tried and true conviction that I recently completed another order with the website. The jewel of this upcoming collection, being the Laser Cat.

Not only does Six Dollar Shirts offer hilarity infused into their product, they also carry the same lightheartedness in their customer service. I received an e-mail notification, indicating my order had been filled and shipped. We’re all familiar with these mundane messages. However here’s the creative panache I received from Six Dollar Shirts:

Dear Fernando Pacheco;

Thanks for ordering from 6DollarShirts.com!

Your order was shipped on 09/03/2011 with the United States Postal
Service.

Our minions have looked over and dropped their jaws in awe at the genius
that is your amazing fashion sense. It takes true genius to pick such
impeccable design and color combinations, so naturally our crews’ first
instincts were to wear Kennedy masks, stick your order under their shirts
and flee. Luckily shock collars and therefore self-restraint have been put
to use and your order is safely packaged.

After the shocking and ‘Don’t tase me, bro’s were over, a ceremonial
candle was lit and suddenly the entire 6dollarshirts crew felt a massive
amount of dopamine release in their brains as our shipping specialist
tenderly placed the shipping label containing the following request:

We know you’re eager, but please note that you may not be able to track
your order until up to 24 hours after the postmark date.

As the package was sent on its way to you, our entire staff skipped out
into the street and did a full out 5-minute Von Trapp family dance routine
as we sang “So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, adieu,
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu,” in 18-part harmony.

For the grand finale, Juggy hit the final “Goodbye” note and did a
cartwheel landing in a split.

We hope you enjoyed shopping on our website as much as we enjoyed
packaging and sending you your goods. We also hope this shipment
notification won’t leave you wondering where your package is as the
6dollarshirts Crew was VERY thorough with their shipping instructions.

Please practice precautions upon the arrival of your 6dollarshirts. Side
effects include but are not limited to: Larger biceps, defined cheek
bones, increased sexual prowess, thick luscious.. hair, attaining wealth,
promotions at work, rapid increase of IQ points, winning lottery numbers,
fat loss and double rainbows.

Want to be famous? E-mail sick and sexified pictures of yourself rocking
our shirts to info@6dollarshirts.com to be featured on our
blog/FB/website/billboards/music videos/award ceremonies/etc.

Blogoceros: 6dollarshirts.com/news
Tweet Tweet Tweedle Dee: @ twitter.com/6dollarshirts
Face-like us here: facebook.com/sixdollarshirts
Every day we’re tumblin’: 6dollarshirts.tumblr.com

-MacKensie at ThreadPit and 6Dollar Shirts.