If I weren’t raised Christian, I’d still have Castle Grayskull

Masters of the Universe has been a apart of my life ever since Woolworth began peddling those über muscular action figures. After a healthy collection was obtained, I knew it was only a matter of an upcoming birthday or Christmas where I would finally obtain the key piece to the world of He-man… Castle Grayskull.

Sure, other toys came and went but Castle Grayskull was the cornerstone of my bedroom. It provided a feng shui type of flow. Not to mention it was always the piece I’d show off when friends visited. However when a friend from my church came over, it bit me in the ass.

I would go to life group every Wednesday. Life group is like a midweek church activity for Christians, held at a member’s house. The children of the life group were rounded up into a bedroom, where we would spend the next 2 hours. On this particular evening, we sat in a circle and were instructed to pretty much tattle on all the evil things we encountered during the past week. This kid named Mike seemed eager to share first. Mike had come over to my house a few days earlier. His parents were the life group leaders and his mother was leading the children’s group.

“Fernando has a skull in his bedroom” came spewing from his mouth. I gave him a “what the hell” look.  His mother asked me if this was true. I said “it’s Castle Grayskull, it’s a toy.” I was then told that God doesn’t want me to have anything with skulls on it. Next thing I knew, I was giving Castle Grayskull to this kid that lived down the street.

This was just one of the many casualties of possessions in my Christian youth. When I was even younger, I remember an aunt taking away my Carebear beach ball because there was a moon and a star on it. I never saw that “satanic” beach ball again.

Do I regret being a Christian? Not at all. Do I think churches can be a load of crap? Abso-freakin-lutely.

What churches do is interpret God’s word. Is any human perfect? No. Therefore can a church be severely flawed? Hell yes. They think they are following the bible but in the process, idiotic rules are made.

I spent majority of my youth going to the same church, only to be kicked out at the age of 21 for performing in bars. According to the church, God isn’t with me when I walk into bars. Interesting… I didn’t know churches had God-vision goggles to see where God is or isn’t. The same church has kicked out women for getting pregnant before marriage. Perfect timing to show lack of support, wouldn’t you agree?

Perhaps having all those forbidden objects taken away from me has given me a fascination for punk rock, skulls and obscure horror films.

Were you ever forced to give up possessions because of the religion you were born into?  What was the “Castle Grayskull” in your life?

Who is your favorite Rusty Griswold?

I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve recently gone through a holiday season, but I’ve been catching all the movies from the National Lampoon’s Vacation series.  What’s cool about the Griswold family is that they exist on a floating timeline.  Meaning, that no other indication of time is given and the elements of their lives are contemporary to the year of the films’ releases.  In doing so, the Griswold children have been switched out on every movie.

Dana Hill (RIP) played the best Audrey Griswold in National Lampoon’s European Vacation so there’s no discussion to be had in that department.

Dana Hill, 1964 - 1996

What I’m on the fence about is who was the best Rusty Griswold?

Anthony Michael Hall

The first Rusty Griswold appeared in National Lampoon’s Vacation, played by Anthony Michael Hall.  It was quickly established that he had an antagonistic relationship with his sister, Audrey.  He also grew an addiction to porn, thanks to his cousin Dale played by John P. Navin Jr.

Jason Lively

As the Griswold family made their way over the Atlantic in National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Jason Lively was next to play Rusty Griswold.  He was obsessed with early 80′s pop/discotheque and seemed to hate his family more than all the other Rustys.

Johnny Galecki

When it came time to do a holiday film, Johnny Galecki filled the shoes of Rusty Griswold in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  More popularly known as the bad boyfriend on Roseanne, Galecki played the youngest version of Rusty and sported a collection of bad sweaters, only to rival the arsenal of Bill Cosby.

Ethan Embry

Ethan Embry played the token loser in most of his 90′s filmography and his role as Rusty Griswold in Vegas Vacation was no different.  In half of the film, he went under an older pseudonym… Papa Georgio.  His cover was later blown when being discovered by his parents and ear-yanked from a pool full of women.  Classic parental cock block.

So there you have it.  4 Rusty Griswolds.  All unique to their own performances.  Which one will you choose?

Rusty Griswold (1983 - 1997)

Who is your favorite Rusty Griswold?

(polls)