Addams Family Bomb

The reviews are in on the new Broadway musical adaptation of America’s favorite gothic family.  No, not the Osbourne’s… “The Addams Family.”  The verdict from the masses were an overwhelming “meh.”  Some called it bland, others called it boring and both parties are just flat out calling it “not funny.”

Bebe Neuwirth and Nathan Lane in "The Addams Family" at Broadway's Lunt-Fontanne Theatre

Do these two look familiar?  Bebe Neuwirth played that frigid bitch on Cheers.  Nathan Lane is just about in every other Broadway production known to man but is probably best known for his onstage work in The Producers.  According to critics, these two are not to blame.  Judging by the reports of bland musical numbers and predictable jokes, it looks as if (MC) Hammer himself wouldn’t be able to rescue the production… even if he closed out the show with “Addams Groove.”

Hammer's "Addams Groove"... God bless the 90's

What would’ve been a better choice for a gothic Broadway musical/comedy, you say?  I’m glad you asked.

Let’s be smart about this.  The poor Addams Family has been beaten to death with sub-par movies and crappy Nintendo games.

"Fester's Quest" for NES

For the answer of which adaptation may better fill this morbid comedic void, all we have to do is look to the next show that would come on right after the Addams Family every afternoon on TBS.  No, not the Carol Burnett Show… that came on earlier.  I’m talkin’ ’bout The Munsters!  Were they not an equally entertaining black & white from the 60’s?  I know their opening theme song was way more rockin’!  Plus if you wanna be technical about it, the blue collar family of monsters  DID have a higher Nielsen rating than their well-to-do Addams counterpart.

The Munsters

Now as far as a cast for this adaptation, I haven’t put much thought into it.  But that hasn’t stopped me from rambling in the past so here I go.  Remember, this is just off the top of my head.

Christopher Meloni as Herman Munster – Yeah, the guy from Law & Order SVU.  I don’t know if he can sing… I dunno if he can dance… I don’t even know how tall he is.  All I gotta say is he has the head for it.

Brittany Daniel as Marilyn Munster – She’s supposed to be the blonde sex appeal.  Blondes aren’t my forte but she’s hot right?

Butch Patrick as Eddie Munster – Yes, I’m aware that he played the original Eddie Munster but c’mon… look at his career after the series ended… the poor guy needs work.

Of course we don’t wanna leave current Broadway stars Bebe Neuwirth and Nathan Lane out of work either so we’d give them the roles of Lily Munster and Grandpa.

Perhaps the lesson learned from all this is that anything played out in the 90’s should be sealed in a vault, not to be toyed with for at least 50 years.

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