Analyzing a Hair Ball

There’s a hair ball that’s been collecting in the doorway of my bedroom for months now.  I’ve always noticed it but I never picked it up.  Part of the reason was obviously because I’m lazy.  The other reason was because the 8 year old in me wanted to see how big it could get.  Perhaps it has gained magnetic properties over the months and began attracting all the loose hair and lint in the apartment.  Regardless, I finally said enough is enough and picked up the hair ball and sent it to its destiny… a glass case.  No, I’m kidding.  The trash can.  However I did snap a picture before all that ugliness went down.

the Hair Ball

Being that it’s the biggest hair ball I’ve ever owned, I figured I would pay tribute by dedicating this blog post to this 7th wonder of the world and analyze its contents.  If I had to break the mass apart and name its contents, they would go as follows:

  • My wife’s hair.  She has red hair… the hair ball has a red tinge to it.  This would be the most obvious ingredient.
  • My leg hair.  I’m Portuguese, which equips me of wiry coat of kinky body locks to get me through any winter.
  • Pubes.  Let’s face it.  ANYTHING has the possibility of having pubes in there.  All guilty parties involved.

Wild card ingredient…

  • Rat litter/bedding.  We had pet rats and the litter fragments from their cage got everywhere.  If you see white dots in the hair ball, it’s not crabs… it’s rat cage litter.

The rest is just threads from our clothes.  Apparently we’re poor or something and our clothes are falling apart like those of 17th century London beggars.

There you have it.  Until the next hair ball comes along, I wish you champagne dreams and caviar wishes.


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