ferN dawg Egg Nog

There’s about 27hrs left til Christmas. Which means time is ticking away on the timely enjoyment of my favorite holiday beverage. Comedian Dave Attell calls it “elf cum.” I call it egg nog.

Alcoholic or non, it’s my favorite holiday treat. However with every divine pleasure, comes forces from the underworld in attempts to vanquish my delight. Last year, my egg nog antagonist was in the form of a Starbucks on Wave Avenue in Honolulu. Their weapon of choice… the egg nog latte. For some reason, their egg nog latte tasted nothing like the ones served at their other shops. It tasted like tea. SO WRONG! I had them make it again… and again… and again! They never got it right. The issue was probably the fact that they stir their drinks with a demon cock.

This year, I mistook a saving grace that ended up being an evil force in my own fridge. It was a bottle of traditional Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog. “Of course this has to be the real stuff.” In retrospect, if it really WERE the the real stuff, it wouldn’t be on sale at a Time Supermarket. The best way I can describe it is if Jaegermeister made their own brand of milk… this would be it. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against a strong cup of egg nog. I just don’t need a pound of licorice in it.

Alas, it’s time for me to come to peace with what I’ve felt in my heart every holiday season. I am the master of my own egg nog… a ferN dawg egg nog, if you will. It may not be anything traditional but damn it, there’s nothing else I’d rather sip while popping in a copy of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Can I get an amen?

In the spirit of giving, I am now about to share with you the first generation Pacheco family recipe of ferN dawg egg nog.

  • Get a lowball glass.
  • Pour two splashes each of Myers’s Dark Rum and Kahlua.
  • Add your favorite non-alcoholic cartoned egg nog.
  • Stir

Now quick, get on the couch! The movie is starting!


One comment

  1. They use demon cocks at that Starbuck’s? I need work. I wonder if my demon cock fits their needs.

    I never thought of using Kahlua, but that’s an interesting idea. I’ll look into it. I don’t think I have any Myer’s dark, but I saw some Malibu up in this crib somewhere, so that will have to do.

    One year I used eggnog as french toast batter for about a month and then I got sick of it. But now I’m craving it again.

    Pennsylvania Dutch would make a good name for a movie mafia villain.

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